This journal is in its death throes. In fact, it's already dead. It's alive only long enough to let everyone know it's dying. seamusmuadhen is my new journal name. Look me up if you care to. It's friends only.

Tschuess!

-Nick Marshall

Earlier today I had a nice long conversation with my Religious Studies Prof. In the course of the discussion he pointed me to a book called "The Manichaen Body: Ritual and blah blah blah". Of course, good old Herman B. Wells doesn't have it, but there is a free electronic copy which is accessible from all IU campuses; All campuses, that is, except IUB. So, I found the proto version of this book in dissertation form, and after wondering through the horribly confusing and labyrinthine sixth floor found it. And it is huge.

This thing is about half the size of the Oxford Latin Dictionary Second Edition. We're talking big. So, I crack it open (this is my first reading of a dissertation) and... IT'S ALL DOUBLE SPACE.

This immediately has me wondering... am I going to type my dissertation in double space? Oh, dear God. Not only does it look horribly unprofessional... it just seems false padding for the ego. No wonder Ph.D students are all hung up on how INCREDIBLY LOOOOONG their dissertation is. The things are double-spaced!

“Of Oillipheist and Rourke”

Stumbling he played his song,
The land in erstwhile green,
And presently he came along
A sleeping beast whose teeth were keen

But foolishly he car’ed not,
as one who trods upon the sod.
Inspiring all who heard his tune
As though I t’were the word of God.

But Satan lays his traps and snares
He slithered quick and with great haste
He slashed the monster with his claws
He slashed and sent the Oillipheist*

Pained by his master’s whip
The serpent-thing roared with rage
And fixed blood eyes upon the man
And fixed his glare upon the page

Believing him to be the source
Of his torment and his rage
Oillipheist devoured the man
Devoured the lad, the singing page

Within snake’s bowels it can get dark
And heaven’s light seems far away.
But such a lad heeds not the night
And in it’s gut, still he played.

For Olde Rourke,-
(This was the lad’s baptismal name),
Was not the type to quake with fear,
And in bars and taverns made he his fame.

And tasted he before his quest
Of that drink which many say
Is better than Egyptian ale
The Irishman’s usquebaugh

Loud he sang and louder crooned
And, wildly, shouted down the stars
He cried obscenities to the moon
And told the gods to kiss his arse.

Old Oillipheist was by this shocked
And turned toward me, narrator-friend,
And said, “I do believe this Irishman
Has offered heaven his rear-end!”

Now this proved too much for Old O,
A serpent bred in England’s land.
Obscenities with in his belly!
Why, for this outrage, he would not stand!

Annoyed more by common Irish talk
Than by old Nick in hell’s dark lair
Oillipheist vomited up Erse’s Son
Whose quick stride showed not a care

Moral:
When faced with demons large and small
An Irishman will have his say
Inspired by the water of life
His curses hold an Orphic sway.

1) I have never felt that sick... EVER. Everytime I vomited, I felt like the gods were clutching at my stomach, fighting over who got to give me the cout de grace of all squeezes. A wonderful little love clutch at the gut.

1.5) My girlfriend can kick all y'all's girlfriends' asses.

2) Speaking of the gods, I'm petitioning them now. Please oh heavenly and infernal authorities and all semi-spiritual beings who happen to pick up on this signal... I need this job. I have to be a FIGs instructor. Not only will this provide an excellent resume building item, but it will also nice to have that $1,000 stipend on top of room and board. please please please please please.

3) Turns out I don't have colon cancer yet. Just hemorrhoids. And I'm not ashamed to write that on a public blog. I'm equally not ashamed to say that I had a digital examination (and to my surprise, that does not mean the doctor grades my computer programming homework). Every guy should have this done. Not because it feels great and makes you really self-confident, but because it could save your life. And I mean that very seriously.

4) ah well...

Date:	2007-01-01 15:56
Subject:	I'm not sure what to title this...
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused

In fact I'm not really sure what to write.  Maybe this can be considered my thoughts on the new year.  But whether it t'were a new year or not, I would be feeling similar feelings to those I'm currently experiencing.

I've changed.  Alot.  I realize that and regardless of whatever I've met with in my studies of philosophy and religion, I must come back again and again to the simple fact that I exist. Regardless of change, there must be some core self.  The cartesian cogito is not easily ignored. 

This leads me again and again and again to the simple realization that I am entirely alone.  That when it comes right down to it, everything can be taken away from me except my self.  This is the one thing I can truly be said to possess.  The rest I have accumulated to my person through theft, lies, and manipulation.  Only my self has been acquired/received honestly.

And yet, I'm not ready to revert back to my ways of Ayn Randianism, for I believe in affection and love (even if it all is just an illusion).  Illusions can sometimes become realities and in  many respects, such matters are entirely personal and not open to the discourse of societal influence.

I have demarcated three perspectives on life and the self.  All three seem equally likely even if they are incompatible with one another.  All three are present in all religions.

1)  We are one
2)  We are many
3)  We are none.

"Write, & find ecstasy in writing! Work, & be our bed in working! Thrill with the joy of life & death! Ah! thy death shall be lovely: whososeeth it shall be glad. Thy death shall be the seal of the promise of our age long love. Come! lift up thine heart & rejoice! We are one; we are none."
                                                                               -Aleister Crowley/Aiwass, Liber Al Vel Legis II: 66

The concept of the many is disturbing to me, for it requires me to reevaluate my views on the Cartesian ego, on the notion of self-attainment in all things.  How can someone fight my own battles for me?  How can someone solve the issues that are pertinent to my own soul?  How can Christ die for my sins?

Heaven is illogical, for it is a reward for belief.  It is the reward of the weak, those who choose to stop fighting and just give up... let their older brother take the blame for them.  How silly.

Hell is illogical for it is the punishment for the strong.  Too often strength is equated with evil in both external and internal circumstances, but for what else may be said about the evil, let them never be called weak or inactive.

Taoism made sense at some point for it relies on the mystical equation of the universe to balance itself out (as all math problems ultimately do) but as I thought about it longer, I realized that no math problem balances itself...there must always be a mind contemplating the remarkable values of all this.

One must have Chaos within them to give birth to a dancing Star.

Journey continues, friends.  Best of luck to us all in the sense that we are many, we are one, we are none.

The Universe of Magic is in the mind of a man: the setting
is but Illusion even to the thinker.
 
                                    -The Equinox, Volume I, John St. John, Aleister Crowley

http://www.freetimes.com/story/4510

More on Land
Just a few points:

1. Yes, we do accept donations of land.

2. Yes, we have accepted donations of land.
We own a piece of undevelopled property in Northern CA near the Oregon border now, and we are evaluating different alternatives to improve it.

3. Yes, we could refuse to accept a donation of land.
We would likely do this if the property were a hazardous waste dump, or a leaking, abandoned lead mine, or would otherwise have a net negative value.

4. Yes, we could accept a donation of land and turn around and sell it immediately.
We would likely do this if the property had no legal access, or if it were otherwise unuseable for any conceivable OTO-related purpose. We would not do this if the land could be put to good use by a local body and the members of that local body wanted to use it.

5. No, donating land will not automatically get you invited to the VII*. It would factor into the consideration, however.

6. No, donating land is not strictly a prerequisite for advancement to the VII*. Other kinds of significant material donations can be considered, and the donation provision can be deferred until later if an SGIG position needs to be filled.

7. No, we will not require a donor to set up a property management corporation before accepting a donation of land. We will set up the corporation.

from the blog of Sabazius (the only X degree member of the Ordo Templi Orientis in America.)

This sounds like selling spiritual information to me.  (It would factor into the consideration, however?) WTF

I'm lonely.

Date:	2006-12-20 22:25
Subject:	mmm Yeats
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm

Date:	2006-12-19 11:51
Subject:	Lettrism
Security:	Public
Mood:	blank
Music:	Music from the Return of the King

Date:	2006-12-19 01:32
Subject:	James....still.
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	The surf outside

James is still getting sick.  And he's moaning in his sleep.  Mom's with him.  Hopefully that will help.

And I found this article on Chaos Magick interesting

Date:	2006-12-18 23:25
Subject:	James
Security:	Public
Mood:	worried

James has been throwing up intermittently for the past hour or so.  Something about the ghost tour, the tons of junkfood, or his sunstroke finally got to him. 

I couldn't do much for him as the sound of vomiting makes my nerves freeze.  There are few things I really can't handle, and that is one of them. 

Poor guy.

Date:	2006-12-18 18:47
Subject:	Vacation
Security:	Public
Mood:	thankful

So, I've been on vacation in South Carolina for the past three days. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YU49qqyMRVU

Pretty damn bizarre.

Unus:  I can never commit to anything.  I go through life in great cycles.  This is most notable in my religion and my religious sense, where I've been known to go from Christianity to Crowleyanity to Taoism to Zen back to Crowleyanity on to Renaissance Magic, and off in some left field direction like Kundalini Yoga. 

Duo:  In keeping with the above, Change and I have a pretty odd relationship.  Sometimes Change comes home, tells me she's been out shopping, but I immediately start to get suspicious and wonder if she's been out clubbing. (I mean, who honestly needs to wear that much freakin' makeup to buy a pair of shoes?)  Sometimes Change really starts to get on me about my drinking and I retaliate with insults about her addiction to Days of Our Lives.  Eventually, our anger turns into the most fiery lust imaginable, and we rip off each other's clothes, tupping rampantly in the living room.  I tell you I feel sorry for our oldest, Result.

Tres:  I'm a philosophy and religious studies major, which means I'm like a wondering samuraii.  Neither camp really wants me, as I am interested in examining both sides from the other's angle.  Philosophers dislike my constantly bringing religion into the picture and religious scholars would rather talk about anthropological causes than outcomes in philosophical worldviews and gestalts.  Ah well.

Quatro:  I really love deep masculine voices.  I understand the feminine desire to wrap oneself around such a voice and wish that my own was more akin to an Orson Welles or a Don La Fontaine than a Woody Allen.

Quinque:  Nature and I don't really get along, no matter how much I wish we did.  The sun is too bright.  The grass makes me break out.  Bugs freak the hell out fo me.  Yeah... nature not so cool.

Sex:  M.

Septem:  I have one.  It's between my left and right aortas.   Andreas Vesalius was the first Renaissance scholar to realize that there were no pores there (as was generally believed by Galen).

Octo:  An octo is a term used to describe the size of a typical leaf as from a book.  Terry Pratchett makes use of (parodies) the term when he refers to the Book that holds the eight spells of creation of Discworld in his comic fantasy series.  In actuality, an Octavo is just a book containing octos.

Novem:  There is nothing new under the sun.

Decem:  It's December.  It's Christmas.  And I'm going to South Carolina.  I feel like Macauly Caulkin in Home Alone.  "There are no Christmas trees in Florida...How can you have Christmas without a Christmas tree, Mom?" 
(December used to be the tenth month until the egos of Julius Caesar and Augustus Ceasar had to be appeased with the inclusion of two more months.)

This has been the year for bad paper writing. 

Seriously, if anyone looks back on this as a judgement of my ability at the present time (whenever that may be) these papers never happened.

I didn't write them.

I stole them.

From internet.

Because I'm a cheater.

Better to be a cheater than to actually have this crap on your record.

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing, you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

 Maybe that's a little overkill there Steve-o.

So, I turned in my final bit of trash to Senchuk today in Personal Identity and Survival. Only to discover that ANOTHER final bit of trash, ANOTHER EIGHT PAGE PAPER, is required. The Due date is Wednesday the thirteenth.

Wait a minute, Nick.  Don't you have another eight page paper due on that Wednesday for your ideas and experience class? 

That's correct, Nick.  I do.

Don't you also have an examination that will stress the boundaries of your ability to absorb obscure knowledge?  I'm speaking, of course, of your Renaissance Botany and Anatomy exam on next Tuesday.

Yes, that too is correct.

And don't you also have a quiz in Greek tommorrow, along with the final exam on Monday?

Yeppers.

Do you not also have two transcriptions of Newton's writings due on Thursday of next week?

Verily, tis so.

So how do you intend to do all this?

I have no idea.

Keep in mind that Senchuk has throughout the semester changed the syllabus when it suits him.  He has also neglected posting the percent value of his quizzes and tests.

And that is why I am so very very disappointed.